This page is devoted to Cranham's favourite gagsmith Steve 'Wogan' Walden. Here you will find a selection of material hand-picked by 'Terry' himself.

Why not share something that has caused you a 'tea out of the nose' moment. But remember, only the good stuff makes it.

Could'nt have put it better myself.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Essex. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this mate! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"

These workmen are installing bollards to stop nurses from parking on the pavement outside the Royal Hospital in Belfast.

They are cleaning up at the end of the day. How long do you think it will be before they realise that they can't go home?

This is a real photograph!

A man went to his doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was Unable to get his manhood erect.

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of The organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing He could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment That might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted Of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through Life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that There would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try Out his newly renovated equipment.

As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her To one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a Strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely Painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang Out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to His trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face Said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'

With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if Another bread roll will fit up my arse'.

A typical 40 something, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'

She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.'

'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore; he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?

No! No! thanks' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice' Its not coconut juice' winks the woman, 'I have a still, would you like a Pina Colada'.?

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.

'You mean. . ' he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.

'Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports'

I bet Jeremy Strickland can't do this.

Some people have no class. Just look at this blokes tie for example. It's so 'yesterday'.