Player profiles
Bob Phillips
Nickname: ‘Bobby’, ‘Peter Pan’Age: 73
Height: 5' 10"
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-hand slowwwwwww
Other: Occasional wicket-keeper
Food: Flapjack
Drink: Bovril
Egyptian-born Bob, famed for inventing the Phillips screwdriver, is probably better know for his role in the invention of the game of cricket circa 1783.
Bob has been playing for Marle Hill ever since it was founded in 1931. An uncompromising batsmen who aims to crash his very first delivery over the batsmen head (seriously, he does it), Bob has scored thousands of runs for the club and probably won us nearly as many games. people used to actually come to see Bob bat and they say he was one of the best club batsmen in his pomp.
Even though his eyesight isn’t what it was Bob still gives the ball a fearsome wallop and can change a game and urinate all over a bowlers figures in 20 minutes. He also still has a very good pair of hands - something he showed which a stuning catch at 1st Slip against Gloucester Civil Service at NATS this year.
Bob also helps out behind the stumps and can be seen mercilessly getting pinned to the back wall of the Cheltenham Rec Centre of a winter night by messers Finikin and Ridsdale.
Bob’s two sons Andew and Stuart both play for the club and are talented cricketers them selves. Bob is a true gent and the kind of bloke to lets his cricket do the talking. Bob is a keen naturist and can regularly be seen on Will Spences tractor in the buff of a Sunday morning.
Bob was rewarded with an MBE in 2005 for his services to the Marle Hill top-order. Bob has also appeared on TV games shows such as Catchphrase, 15-to-1 and Bullseye (although not in the buff).
Andrew Williams
Nickname: ‘Willie’, ‘The Ancient Mariner’, ‘Ruddy-cheeked assassin’Age: 29
Height: 5' 8"
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-arm fast medium
Other: Occasional wicket-keeper
Food: 'Yes please'
Drink: Gravy
Willie is a born-again swing bowler famed for his booming in-duckers which have done for many an opening batsmen. His match-winning 6-43 at Frocester in 2006 will go down as one of Marle Hill's finest bowling performances.
Willie is also one of Marle Hill’s finest fielders (as Chandu will testify) famed for his leaf-loosening dives to the ground. Willie’s skills with the bat, however, are less favourable - a banker for getting bowled after a scythe-like swipe across the line. That said, Willie is capable of a few lusty blows when required down the order and has made some useful little cameos. One at Redmarley several years ago springs to mind.
Willie has also been known to don the gloves occasionally where he is known by the nickname, ‘Ancient Mariner’... ‘...he stoppeth one of three’.
Willie also plays club cricket for Chalford in the County League.
In 2003 Willie took a break from the game to peruse a career as a stunt man. A move which ended in disaster when his cape got caught in the passenger door of his dads Maxi. Hence the nickname ‘Willie’.
His bowling accolades aside, Willie’s finest moment came at Woodpeckers in 2005 when he completed his first correctly relayed throw to another fielder between deliveries. Even the hardest of men struggled to fight back the emotion.
Willie once famously delivered this quote: "1 yorker to dismiss the opener, 3 full toss's 1 spooned to Bluett, the others hit top of off stump. Sometimes you bowl well and don't get the wickets you deserve, other times you ball pies and get wickets, that's the luck of a bowler". Cant argue with that.
When he’s not bending it like Beckham Willie can be found in his local Beefeater where he operates the carvery with his younger brother Steve.
Mike Bluett
Nickname: ‘Big Mike’, ‘Maxwell’, ‘Marle Hill’s tallest seamer’Age: 26
Height: 7’ 1
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-arm medium
Other: Club Treasurer
Food: Bamboo
Drink: Scrumpy in a bleach container
Despite being the nephew of the disgraced fraudster Robert Maxwell, Mike is somehow entrusted with the clubs funds.
When he’s not on an exotic foreign holiday or test-driving a new car, Mike trundles in with some tidy medium pace which, combined with his height, can be quite tricky to negotiate. A point he proved with a magnificent 6-43 at Woopeckers in 2005.
Mike is relatively new to both cricket and Marle Hill but has proven to be a quick learner. Mike will be the first to admit he is a genuine tail-ender but what he lacks with the bat he makes up for in his enthusiasm and motivating of sleepy post-lunch fielders.
Mike does a top job each year organising nets at the Cheltenham Rec Centre (which if you’ve ever tried is a bit like trying to ascend K2 on roller-skates).
Mike has a bit of a hand in the movie business where he has starred as an ‘Oaf’ in Hollywood blockbusters such as ‘Lord of the Rings’. Mike is currently working on a Marle Hill-based production which charts the travails of a decent club cricketer and his frustrations with his fielders. Its called ‘F*cking Hell, Villie!’.
Haling from Camelford, Mike makes up a triumvirate of Cornish ex-pats alongside Stuart Brotherton and Nathan Moore ('ere, gimee six my 'ansomes).
Mike also shares the ‘most miss-spelt surname’ award with Tom Finninnikin.
Tom Finnikin
Nickname: ‘Fino’Age: 28
Height: 6' 2"
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-arm fast
Other: Club Captain
Food: Tail-enders
Drink: One someone else has brought
"Finikin. Refreshes the parts other bowlers cannot reach".
At 6’ 2" and 15st Tom Finikin at full tilt is a fearsome sight for a batsmen. Capable of genuine pace, Tom on a firm track is seldom played with ease and is probably one of the quickest amateur bowlers in the county.
Verbal exchanges are best avoided, as there is only ever one winner. He always seems to get his man in the end (just ask the Gloucester Civil Service skipper) often with his trademark slower ball.
Opportunities with the bat are few and far between for Tom but when it does happen it is usually requires frequent trampling in the stringers. Not sure if Tom has ever hit a fifty but he cracked a memorable 44* at Tetbury in 2004 to help win the game. He also has one of the safest pair of hands in the club and has taken some right old steeplers out in the deep.
If you think his economy rate is tight then you haven't witnessed him in the bar after a game. It is rumoured that amidst the euphoria following our 2003 Shurdington Sixes triumph he bought Simon Smith half a bitter. However, details are sketchy and no official record was ever kept.
When Tom is not shattering stumps or fighting crime as one of Gloucestershires finest he can be found playing the French horn in Phil Sidey’s band, 'The Stumpies'.
Simon Smith
Nickname: ‘Mr Marle Hill’, ‘Cobweb’, ‘Boycott’, ‘Test Match’, etcAge: I’m guessing 42...? 43...?
Height: 5' 7"
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-arm up-and-under
Other: Wicket-keeper
Food: Derby County pies
Drink: Derby County tea (in polystyrene cup)
Simon Smith has done virtually every job at the club at some time or another. Whether it be off the pitch as fixture secretary, treasurer, fundraiser or on it as wicket keeper, opening batsmen or occasional pie-thrower. He is 100% Marle Hill through and through.
In a team awash with attacking batsmen, Smithy, perhaps undeservedly, is the target of a lot of stick for his, shall we say, more traditional approach to the game. However, it works for him as he has shown with some resilient knocks over the years (I know he has scored at least one century and will probably correct me with a handful more). Smithy’s appearances with the bat have become less frequent of late although he regularly does a job for NATS in the Cirencester League of a Saturday.
Smithy has also been a regular wicket-keeper over the years and has served the club well in this position (although brazenly faining injury when either Tom Finniken or Nathan Moore take the ball).
The last few season have seen Smithy bowl his legendary leg-spin which he lobs grenade-like to quivering 12-year olds in black school shoes. Needless to say the sod gets wickets.
In summary Smithy is an amiable clubman who encourages the game to be played in good spirit. He is a thoroughly decent chap.
Aside from Derby County and cricket, Smithy’s other passion is fine art. He identifies his finest piece as a self portrait, atop a horse in full military regalia being pursued by an angry Paul Meredith.
Smithy can also boast has the largest collection of porn in Europe.
Andrew Phillips
Nickname: 'Well-oiled run machine', 'tax dodger'Age: 19
Height: 5' 11"
Batting style: Right-hand
Bowling style: Right-arm fast medium
Food: Past-it, 40-something opening bowlers
Drink: £1-a-pint, tax-dodgers lager
The eldest son of Marle Hill legend Bob Phillips, Andrew is undoubtedly the best batsmen the club has had in a number of years. Some would argue THE best. His prodigious talent has seen him rack up four centuries including a massive 151 at St Stephens in 2005 which came straight off the back of 104 not out at Whitbreads the previous week.
Attacking flair is in the blood. The familiar site of his lithe frame and navy blue batting helmet whipping the ball over square leg for six is an enduring image of a Marle Hill cricketing summer.
Andrew's style is more classical than his old man’s but he maintains the same explosive power in his forearms and wrists. We often forget he his is still only 19.
Andrew is also a capable lively medium-fast bowler but can tend to let his head drop when he's taking a bit of tap. Andrew rarely bowls these days and instead has concentrated on his batting, which has paid dividends.
When home from university Andrew also plays league cricket for NATS in the Cirencester league for whom he recently made the remarkable achievement of scoring 99 not out chasing 143 to single-handily beat Oaksey. The next highest batsmen’s score was 6:
Andrew is indeed a special talent who has stayed loyal to Marle Hill despite the many offers he gets from bigger clubs. Andrew is a quite lad and not one for ‘sledging’ or hyperbole.
Despite all this praise, Andrew is a full-time, tax-dodging layabout who only wakes up for 'Neighbours'... the afternoon edition. His hobbies include one-hand tool grinding and surfing 'left-handed' websites.
